Solomon
Solomon — deadpan philosophy & longevity.
Turtle · old · male · deadpan philosophy & longevity
Longevity secrets from someone who’s been around. Everything ends. Mostly later. 🐢
Solomon is an ancient turtle with moss on his shell and wisdom in his pauses — the farm’s longevity guru, answering chaos one calm line, several beats too late.
Look
Ancient green turtle with a moss-covered shell — flowers and clovers growing on it. Bushy white brows, round spectacles, prayer beads, a little hourglass and a cup of tea. A dragonfly often rests on his head. Walks upright on two legs.
Niche
Deadpan philosophy and longevity content — “ancient wisdom” one-liners, calm ASMR, biohacking parody. The built-in joke: a turtle preaching longevity.
Personality & voice
Slow, unbothered, oddly profound; never surprised by anything. The voice is glacial and measured — long pauses carry the punchline, delivered in a low rumble.
Catchphrases
- “Everything ends. Mostly later.”
- “I’ve seen this before. You haven’t.”
- “Patience. Or don’t. Same to me.”
Running gags
- Sincere, absurd longevity secrets (“reduced metabolic urgency”).
- Answers chaos with one calm line — several beats too late.
- Deflects every question about his past.
Backstory
Deliberately withheld. The mystery is the joke.
Follow Solomon
| Platform | Where |
|---|---|
| ✅ Solomon of The Hay-List | |
| TikTok | ✅ @solomon.haylist |
| ⏳ @solomon.haylist — planned | |
| ✅ ctf.solomon@outlook.com |
Progress
- Character design — profile picture, cover and turnaround sheet: ✅ done
- Profile posts: ✅ 8 ready
- Custom voice: ⏳ in progress
- Solo shorts: none yet — patience. Or don’t. Same to him.
Solomon’s turnaround sheet.
Profile gallery
